It’s no secret. Americans are in love with the Brits.
But why exactly?
Here is a definitive list of things that my husband and I think are the most irresistible qualities that he and his fellow Brits posses.
- Sarcasm– “Lets face it there is nobody else in the world that can do sarcasm in the specific way the British can. We’re so good at it you don’t even realize it’s happening.”says the husband. Sooo, his reasoning is that the reason this particular charm is so alluring and effective is because its… “the best”. Ok Donald Trump.
- Mild, passive aggressiveness. The Brits have such colorful anger. This can usually be witnessed in all its unbridled glory while they are stuck behind the wheel of a car while enduring some slight or are the unintended victim of some other driver’s “shoddy” driving. For reference see M25. This, of course is also displayed in a more subdued form in daily life. It is for this reason, the reserved manner in which they show their displeasure, that a hot-tempered American can find refuge. Or if not there… they could always head over to number 3…
- Castles and History. Particularly the castles. I mean there are so many castles. Castles are just everywhere. So what that people are squashed up in tiny houses and have 3 feet of garden space, those bleeding castles and their mass acreage are protected because HERITAGE (historical preservation) is monumentally more important than the living breathing people that reside here. Husband “Learn your place peasant”… which leads me to reason number 4.
- Smug superiority. Bogies up those humongous noses. No sorry… please look down on us at least you are LOOKING at us!! Husband “We know they like to take the micky out of us. Its ok, we let you do that, after all we did take your country off of you. Come on guys it’s been 340 years, get over it already.” Yes talk down to me. Never stop talking to me…Which reminds me of reason number 5.
- The Accent– This one is a bit trickier as there are SO MANY. For instance, I want to remind you that the Union is made up of different countries. I realize it might be confusing but not all the British people are in fact ENGLISH. I am assured that the English accent is the most attractive… although I find that more difficult to believe as they are pretty much ALL THE BAD GUYS IN EVERY MOVIE EVER. But, perhaps, it goes beyond the way in which the colorful words are said and instead what those exact words ARE. They talk bigly- so many fine words. We mustn’t forget that these people produced Shakespeare, Chaucer, Walter Scott….
- Their Ability to Queue (aka stand in a line)– This clearly demonstrates how patient they all are. How determined and tenacious they are. How insanely stubborn they are and how a tiny of piece of their soul is chipped away every time and how they are slowly going endearingly MAD.
- The way they struggle to complain. This is probably WHY they are able to queue like champions. They could get stabbed seven times and would probably apologize to their attacker for being rather difficult to kill. This can seem infuriating but it will be a godsend when you find yourself in a rage over the state of the kitchen… so many crumbs and all that ridiculous toast.
- The Interesting Cuisine. It will be a LONG time before you run out of unusual foods to try. Pickle ain’t a pickle. Black Pudding isn’t pudding. Deep Fried Haggis. Spotted Dick. Crisp Butties. Marmite. Some of these things will be vile and some will grow on you over time… you might need a need a cream for that. At any rate it will certainly add to the delights of your life, the stories you will be able to tell the culturally confused grandchildren.
- Resigned Acceptance of Their Diminished place in the world. I realize this seems at odds with fact no. 4… but the truth is they are only ACTING superior when, in fact, they are quite the opposite. When Queen Vic started handing back the world to… the world, it was the beginning of the end for the common folks of Britain. No longer could they dominate the savages. No longer would their way of life go before them and wait for them on far off shores. As their position in the pecking order of cultural superiority fell further down the ladder, their appeal seemed to elevate. A biblical truth emerges then, the meek shall inherit the earth. Or perhaps rather… hot American girlfriends.
- They speak English. Sort of. This is perhaps their most irresistible quality. If it is possible to communicate, it is possible to create life-long relationships. The language barrier is nearly non-existent. Now I’m not saying that they speak English perfectly (don’t listen to them when they go on about “inventing” English… just because they call themselves a language sheesh)… for some of them it’s not even their first language. And they don’t spell all that sensibly (really TYRE??), but they make themselves perfectly understood and it is for that fact that love can bloom.
And there you have it. The British, much like their beloved Mary Poppins, are practically perfect in every way. It is no wonder we adore them. Let’s see if we can get Hollywood to stop making them bad guys now. They are the yin to our yang and us dang yangees need them!